Hey there! This is Paul, and today we’re going to dive into a topic that resonates with many of us - people-pleasing. Have you ever caught yourself agreeing with a friend’s plan while screaming “No” internally? Or perhaps you’ve said “yes” to extra work hours when you’re already stretched thin. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us struggle with people-pleasing tendencies, but it’s high time we learn to assert our needs.
Why Do We People Please?
Before we can overcome people-pleasing, it’s crucial to understand why we do it. More often than not, it stems from a fear of rejection or a strong desire for approval. We want to be liked, appreciated, and accepted. As a result, we often go above and beyond to accommodate others, even at the expense of our own well-being. But here’s the truth: it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to put your needs first. Let’s learn how.
Step 1: Identify Your Needs
The first step in overcoming people-pleasing is to identify your needs. What do you truly want? What brings you happiness? What matters to you? It’s perfectly alright if you don’t have all the answers right now. The important thing is to start asking yourself these questions and listening to your own responses.
Step 2: Communicate Your Needs
Once you’ve identified your needs, it’s time to communicate them. This might feel uncomfortable initially, but remember that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s. Use “I” statements to express your needs without blaming or criticizing others.
For instance, instead of saying, “You always dump extra work on me,” try saying, “I feel overwhelmed when I have too much work. Can we discuss how to distribute tasks more evenly?”
Step 3: Learn to Say No
Saying “no” can be challenging, especially for people-pleasers. However, it’s crucial to understand that every time you say “yes” to something you don’t want to do, you’re essentially saying “no” to yourself. Prioritizing your needs is not selfish; it’s essential for your well-being.
Step 4: Establish Boundaries
Establishing boundaries is a crucial step in overcoming people-pleasing. Decide what is acceptable to you and what is not. Clearly and assertively communicate these boundaries.
Remember, boundaries are not about controlling others. They are about taking care of yourself.
Step 5: Practice Self-Care
Last but not least, practice self-care. This goes beyond indulging in bubble baths and spa days. It’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. Make time for activities you enjoy. Honor your needs and respect your boundaries.
Overcoming people-pleasing isn’t about becoming selfish or uncaring. It’s about recognizing that your needs are just as important as everyone else’s. It’s about learning to say “no,” setting boundaries, and taking care of yourself.
So, go ahead and assert your needs. You deserve it.